This week at the movies: SpongeBob’s triumphant return, Ryan Reynolds’ comeback as a serial killer; and Julianne Moore and Jeff Bridges turn in a terrible, no good, very bad medieval thriller.
The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water
The gang’s all here: Squidward Tentacles, Plankton, Sandy Cheeks, Krusty Krab, Patrick Star, and SpongeBob himself. As the title suggests, the gang gets booted from its natural habitat and get beached. There, they become superheroes (and grow to full size “people”) to battle the evil villain Burger-Beard (played in live action by Antonio Banderas). Like the rest of the SpongeBob oeuvre, it’s a trip.
Perfect For: Kids, parents, people who likes fun, trippy, smart animation.
What the Critics Say: Solid B+. Writes the Seattle Times: “This megadose of Spongeyness is laugh-out-loud funny. A lot.”
Our Take: Totally adorable.
Watch the Trailer:
The Voices
A black comedy about a charming serial killer whose pets talk to him? Why, yes, that’s what we have here—a really weird, absurdly lighthearted story about madness, starring an unlikely leading man, Ryan Reynolds. Reynolds used to be good for pure beefcake roles, square-jawed action heroes, and the like. But this is his attempt at rebooting his tanked career as a character actor. The story—a normal (but very cute guy) who works at a factory but who has the magical ability to talk to his pets. (Unfortunately, they are all very bad animals and tell him to kill the girls he dates). Also starring Anna Kendrick, Jacki Weaver, and Gemma Arterton.
Perfect For: You liked Fargo, War of the Roses
What the Critics Say: It’s a mixed bag, just like the movie’s tone. Shall we say…. Schizophrenic? But most like Reynolds’ performance above all else. Writes the New York Post: “Ryan Reynolds is chillingly perfect as a nice-guy factory worker struggling with schizophrenia and murderous impulses in this tonally wild indie, which is nearly too horrifying to be funny - but not quite.”
Our Take: Cannot wait!
Watch the Trailer:
Seventh Son
A medieval fantasy fairytale gone wrong, the Seventh Son has big-time actors starring in this CGI eyesore about the fated “seventh son” (Tom Ward) who is the only one who can save humanity from the evil witch (played by Julianne Moore). Jeff Bridges channels his inner Gandalf to play Master Gregory. There are shapeshifters, dragons, mysterious supernatural events, swordfights, and all the other usual suspects of a period drama set in a distant, vague past.
Perfect For: Hobbit and LOTR fans might be convinced to see this, but I can’t imagine even they’d want to suffer through it.
What the Critics Say: About as rotten as it gets (zero percent on the Rotten Tomato meter!). The reviews are more entertaining than the movie itself: Salon: “Why does this movie exist? And what the hell are A-list actors like Moore and Bridges doing in something that seems so clearly destined to perplex insomniac Starz viewers several weeks from now?” New York Post: “I was disappointed that there were no fire-breathing mummy ninjas from space, but you have to save something for the sequel.”
Our Take: Nope, nope, nope.
Watch the Trailer:
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